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  • You Should Read This

    This is HILARIOUS:

    http://the-toast.net/2015/02/04/chan...tum-boyfriend/

    If Channing Tatum Were Your Boyfriend

    2. If Channing Tatum were your boyfriend, he would think you were so smart. “Babe, you are so smart,” he would say, while welding at you.
    4. If Channing Tatum were your boyfriend, all your ex-boyfriends would be suuuuuch snide assholes about it, but they would also be filled with despair and self-loathing.

    7. If Channing Tatum were your boyfriend, he could probably do that thing you’ve seen in movies where he lifts you up and holds you effortlessly against a wall during sex.
    Itís just really honestly so tiring and emotionally draining to have to get upset over reality constantly.

  • #2
    He's one of the hunky celebs I just want to hang out and take shots with, but yes, this shit is perfect.

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    • #3
      http://the-toast.net/2015/04/14/thin...opCDyyYl6fl.99

      This is so good!
      • Most women cannot distinguish between the feeling of ďloveĒ and what happens when a young male has floppy hair that falls over his eyes; truly lovable men have eyes hidden so deeply behind a cascade of floppy chestnut hair they are effectively blind
      Itís just really honestly so tiring and emotionally draining to have to get upset over reality constantly.

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      • #4
        100% of women want to have sex with a man who embodies the fox version of Robin Hood from the cartoon Robin Hood, but most do not actually want to have sex with a fox or a man dressed as one

        Yes.


        Whenever possible, a man should have a cruel mouth, particularly if he has blue eyes Ė the bluer the eyes, the crueler the mouth; a man with cornflower-blue eyes should have a mouth like a genocide.

        Yep, that too.

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        • #5
          Oh, that's brilliant. The fox Robin Hood thing is so true it hurts. It also works for Justin the rat from The Secret of NIMH. And I love this one too:
          If a man is calm 100% of the time, like so calm that heís mostly dead, and he only gets boners for his job, because he loves his job so much and heís always sitting at a desk or standing with a phone doing his job, but then all of a sudden he canít stop getting boners for one specific woman and heís mad at her from how much sheís distracting him from his job, which has never happened before, because heís literally never been attracted to even a single woman in the history of being alive in his own body until right now and heís going to straight up murder you with sex because it turns out all that sedate studiousness he thought was his personality was actually the calm before the dick storm
          ​"Calm before the dick storm" is my new favorite phrase.

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          • #6
            Hee. The Robin Hood thing reminds me of one of the best AKends interview clips:

            https://youtu.be/2PPkQoQQn-M

            ETA: Meh. Can't embed.

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            • #7
              Itís really good when a man could hurt you and maybe spends a lot of time hurting other people but makes an exception in his hurting-people schedule for at least one woman he doesnít hurt, but he could if he wanted to, only he doesnít, so it would be great if he murdered everybody except for you and didnít murder you even a little bit
              That's how I see every couple in TVD, based on the nono thread! Lusty little breaks from murder because of special snowflakes.

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              • #8
                YES!! That's basically it. That's the show.









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                • #9
                  Ha! I loved these.
                  sigpic

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                  • #10
                    Did everybody spend the last week eye rolling that lady on Vox who "lives in the Victorian era"?

                    I almost can't believe she's real.

                    To catch up on my hatred of her you have to read her horrific XO Jane piece and this AMAZING blog post where everybody is nice to her all day, one middle-aged lady touches her hem, she SLAPS the lady's hand and acts like she was assaulted. She writes like a 14-year-old girl who just read a bunch of Victorian romance novels.

                    That said, she seems to be suffering from a weird mix of narcissism and paranoia.
                    Itís just really honestly so tiring and emotionally draining to have to get upset over reality constantly.

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                    • #11
                      I maintain that this is just the whole hipster thing taken to an extreme, driven by some underlying psychology. Like, I think she's got about five different personality disorders going on, and her husband is clearly some whackadoodle enabler.

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                      • #12
                        This isn't funny, but a pal posted this on FB and it's so full of yes.

                        Ryan Adams’'s 1989 and the mansplaining of Taylor Swift.

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                        • #13
                          I can't agree with that enough. Everything I have read about his 1989 says the same thing. I love the original 1989 in a completely non-ironic way, and this is just pissing me off.

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                          • #14
                            OMG THIS ENRAGES ME.

                            I gave a listen to his shitpile cover album on Spotify and it's TERRIBLE. It's so boring and every song sounds EXACTLY the same and it's just so tedious! I hated it SO MUCH.
                            Itís just really honestly so tiring and emotionally draining to have to get upset over reality constantly.

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                            • #15
                              I heard his version of Blank Space drifting out of a restaurant last night and it was tired bullshit. Those reviewers can go fuck themselves.

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