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Passing Down the Bitterness to the Next Generation

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  • Passing Down the Bitterness to the Next Generation

    Ok, I'm honoring the request of the lovely Ms. Is and starting a thread for child-related topics.

    To answer Sarah's question:

    Okay, what constitutes a playgroup? Like there are kids in the group your child might not like but since they belong they're included? Is this somewhere you take them weekly or is it like preschool? Do they meet at a facility or junior gym or is there a house rotation in the neighborhood? Are there boys and girls mixed?
    Playgroups are simply groups of children who are the same age getting together to play on a weekly basis. They can be set up in any number of ways, but our playgroup was formed by the local Mothers Club I belong to. Kids gets used to socializing at a young age and learn how to share toys. Parents get to talk to other parents going through the same things. Our group gets together once a week and each parent takes turns hosting. We'll also mix in an outing to a park or beach once a month too. Groups are usually boys and girls (since they can't tell the difference anyway).

    Playgroups are different than toddler classes (like Gymboree or through your local parks and rec) or preschool (which doesn't start until 2 at the earliest). My daughter has been in a playgroup since she was 6 months old and she's totally used to interacting with other kids. And she knows how to share, which will be great when her sibling comes along.

  • #2
    I really had no idea and it's right in front of me.

    *shakes head*

    <-- taking notes


    • #3
      No bun in the oven, but I fell asleep on the couch tonight watching Harry Potter and woke up to L-word after having a dream about giving birth. What the hell does that mean? BDW, my baby was cute.
      It's all about me and my precious.


      • #4
        Pig made me think about this in the HBO thread:

        I have long said no to children but with ALL of my friends racing to the Babys 'R Us it's making me feel left out.

        I know this is not a reason to have children but hanging out with my oldest friends last weekend and talking to one about about anticipating her first child (she's 6 months preg) I was sort of: Awww.

        That's NEVER happened to me before. Hee.

        Edited to fix some bad grammar!
        Rules the School
        Last edited by isadora; 01-20-2004, 12:05 PM.
        Itís just really honestly so tiring and emotionally draining to have to get upset over reality constantly.


        • #5
          I'm not feeling left out as much as thinking "Hmm, maybe...."

          But at almost 41 I know my eggs are way past their best-by date and I'm not really too serious about babies but over the holidays I visited friends and their 5 or 6 month old girl and, damn, did "my uterus hurt" (eh - one of the few good lines from Mad About You).
          The funny thing is that I didn't feel strongly one way or the other until Resboy got scared that I wanted a baby when my friend announced she was preggers.


          • #6
            I've decided I want to have as many babies as possible.
            "But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.Ē---Kanye


            • #7
              I talked about this in the HBO thread, but I really do think you know if you are the type of person who wants kids. The worst are the people who have kids because they think they should, and then are selfish and oblivious parents once the kids arrive. I am one of those people who strongly believe that not everyone should have kids and they shouldn't be made to feel like there is something wrong with them because they don't want them.

              I don't think you're actually ready to have kids until:

              a) you don't mind having no real life outside the baby for quite a while

              b) you accept the fact that you will almost NEVER be able to sleep in (including weekends)again

              c) you aren't squicked out by being peed on, pooped on, vomited on, and bled on by another human being. Oh, and wiping their snot.


              • #8
                Thank you for that reality check, Snick.

                I am most assuredly NOT ready for children and I'm not sure I ever will be.
                Itís just really honestly so tiring and emotionally draining to have to get upset over reality constantly.


                • #9
                  I have some newly married friends who seem so clueless about what it's really like to raise children. I was a nanny for one family throughout college and at one point during high school, I should have paid taxes on the amount of money I made baby-sitting so it's no biggie to me to get blood, snot, tears, boogers, whatevah on my clothes/body. I think it's hysterical when my married girlfriends go on and on about who they want to do their child's nursery and where they found the cutest baby clothes, and what stroller is the best, when they're grossed out by their own bodily fluids.

                  I will say that vomit icks me out to no end and I expect to be grossed out by it no matter whose child is projecting it on to me (including my own).


                  • #10
                    See, by that admission, I wasn't ready for kids. That, and the fact that I was nineteen.

                    But! I realized that I don't mind my own kid's drool, spit, or poop. It's disgusting, yes, but I deal with it.

                    The other reality check is realizing that you will not have anything of your own for, like, ever. Man. Oh, and that I know 27-year-olds who still live at home. Kids never go away. Ever. Hee.

                    I know a girl who is having a baby to trap a man. My heart bleeds. She didn't feel any excitement at hearing her child's heartbeat for the first time. Sigh.


                    • #11
                      at having a baby to trap a man! That can never turn out well.

                      Oh, and here's another one I forgot: you'll spend all your getting ready time in the morning (if it's a girl especially) on the baby's outfit, hair, and accessories. That leaves you just enough time to throw on some sweats and pull your hair into a ponytail before you leave. One of my mommy friends was saying her kid has a better wardrobe than she does and she can't remember the last time she bought clothes for herself. And sadly, I had to agree with her.

                      BUT, just a few things on the good side: watching this little thing turn into a person with opinions and a sense of humor, realizing that there's at least one person in the world who aspires to be just like you, and unlimited hugs, kisses, and "I love you mommy"'s.

                      At least until they're teenagers. Then they hate you and everything about you.


                      • #12
                        That's a good list, Snick.

                        I'm okay and made peace with points A and B. Mr. S, however, doesn't believe me about point B and is in complete denial about C.

                        The other night, he tossed out all of point C as "woman's work" which, to his defense, I throw that line out in reverse all the time when I don't feel like trash duty or crawling under the house for wiring purposes, but I do wonder a little how he'll really do come late July.

                        You know what else I hate? I thought to myself after reading Is's post that she would probably be the most fun, smart, strong, ass-kicking mother and she should have kids because she'd be good at it.

                        But (and I'm ruining my point by using Is as an example, sorry Is!) people shouldn't shove that in other women's/couple's faces. It's a decision you make for yourself because no one knows what you can handle better than you do. Except for maybe your BFF who knows you underestimate yourself, hee! It's not a shame for god's sake if someone doesn't want to have kids. It's not a LOSS for fuck's sake. I hate it when people comment disapprovingly when they hear a couple may opt not to multiply.

                        Secretly, of course, I'm always nosy about the reasoning because I like knowing different points of view on Big Life Choices but nevah evah ask. People offer that info if they feel like telling. They shouldn't have to justify it.


                        • #13
                          See, I get those same kinds of inquiries when I say I don't want any more kids. It's all, "*BIG GASP* You can't have just one!"

                          Um, yes. Yes, I can. Add to that the fact that Nai is going to be five (!!) soon, and I wouldn't want my kids but so far apart, and the odds that I'll find a mate in the next year and actually want to make with having babies that soon is not that feasible, and get the picture.

                          People give me funny looks when I say that if my (future) husband wants more than one child, he needs to already have one when we get together.


                          • #14
                            I've never really wanted to have children. For most of my adult life I was very wrapped up in my career and worked many hours and that just wouldn't have been good for baby raising. Now I work less hours, but Mr. V and I are pretty happy with the routine around here and don't think we should change it. My MIL had a hard time accepting this, but I think she has now and luckily there are grandchildren a-plenty in the family. When I spend time with my nieces and nephews I think it's very neat to see them growing and showing their personalities and sometimes I think that would be great to watch up close, but I've never made the leap to it being more worthwhile than continuing on as is. It is hard though to think that my time is running out. It's not fair that men can slack and choose later than us!

                            Did I understand correctly that there is a mini-Sarah on the way? I know Neo asked a few days ago how many pregnant women were around these parts - which implied there were several - but nobody answered and satisfied my curiousity.


                            • #15
                              Snick's list is excellent and just about word for word what my mother drums into me. Especially (a). She calls it the loss of freedom. When I counter with how millions around the world do it every day so having a baby *must* outweigh the pitfalls, she says no, it doesn't. Hee. And this is from a woman who had the kids she wanted when she wanted them.

                              So I get no pressure. My BFF, on the other hand, gets all that usual stuff that makes me see red, like how they're being selfish, etc.

                              And what that fuck is up with having just the one child? I do not get that at all.

                              I always suspect the ones who pressure are secretly envious of your lifestyle. Maybe even wish they'd done things a little differently themselves? I don't need to justify why people don't have kids or have only one kid, I need justification about why others would try and talk anyone into it. It's bad enough when people make a split moment's decision about buying that puppy or kitten in the pet store window without thinking about the time, care and expense needed for the next 15-20 years to do it properly. Let alone a child! I'm not yet convinced enough people think about the cons as well as the pros before diving in. Those very people might be the pressurers.