Unsignificant Others

[ophy]

Signed, 53 years old and finally trying something new

YES. Date those real non-nerd men!









All the nerds I know are borderline Bernie Bros these days anyway, so I'm thinking non-nerds are the way to go.

[vanessa]

I screen for Bros and don’t even start with that.

I have had to teach him everything about being an adult and I AM TIRED.

I realized at some point that I was teaching two different nerds how to flirt on OKCupid, and seriously? That was not on. So I undid all of my matches and started swiping left when I would usually swipe right, and vice-versa.

[LaaLaa]

Just throwing in more support for this plan. I feel like a good chunk of modern nerdy dudes are just entitled “nice guys” who blame their social ineptitude on women.

[IssieCol]

So I undid all of my matches and started swiping left when I would usually swipe right, and vice-versa.

The George Costanza approach of doing the opposite of your instinct! I like it. And YES to only dealing with grown ass men who know how to look at your face while eating dinner with you at a restaurant they they booked on resy all by their beekdamn selves.

Miraculously, I did not have to teach this skill to Mr. Issie, but I did have to teach him to wash his sheets every couple of weeks when we were 20 so maybe it's a trade off.

[vanessa]

Teaching him at 20 is very different than the late-40s to mid-50s dudes I am dating. They should know all of it by now.

And bless you all for the affirmations. My choices right now are good, and I feel good about them.

[vanessa]

Just a follow-up on the nerd dating: I still feel good about my choices, but there is a downside that has bit me. The nerd boys are used to being out adulted, but my alpha grownup now-ex boyfriend seemed to take it personally. I swear I was not showing off, but I had that long period of my condo being wrecked by bathroom construction, so he had never seen it, and he completely changed toward me after he did. My condo is in a converted church and so it’s pretty amazing just for that alone, but also I have sunk a whole bunch of money into it to make it just they way I want it. It’’s not like HGTV good, but it’s comfortable and nice and not like his house that he hasn’t done anything with.

There was also the thing where he was kind of intimidated by my new job, which: it’s just software, man.

Anyway, he behaved very weirdly after the first time he came here, even though he was still talking about long-term plans with me, and then he texted me at 9:30 on a Wednesday (is that a dick move or what?) to say he didn’t want to see me any more. (I was angry-upset at first and then 2 hours later I was relieved so there).

I am not giving up on the non-nerd thing, but there is a thing there. Fuck if I am going to apologize for being good at my job and having a nice house that I take care of, though.

[dada_teacher]

He sounds like an insecure egotist, vanessa, I'm sure not all alpha types are like that but probably a good portion are. Ugh. It's a cruel world out there.

[ophy]

Fuck if I am going to apologize for being good at my job and having a nice house that I take care of, though.

And you never should!








Have you re-considered girls maybe, I'm just saying.


(if anything ever should beek forbid happen to mr.o, Imma find me a nice lady for reals. No more patience for men at all.)

[isadora]

Have you tried younger men? I sorta think younger men are less sexist. Not necessarily politically but personally, as weird as that sounds. They don't just assume you're a second mom from what I've seen.

[IssieCol]

In not all heroes wear capes news, Mr. Issie took the boys out of the house so I could sleep in after staying up to watch Beyonce last night. It's after one in the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas!

[vanessa]

Good husband!